


i don't even know where to begin (i don't even know who i am)

by fallingnights



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Awesome Carol Danvers, Awesome Maria Rambeau, BAMF Carol Danvers, BAMF Maria Rambeau, Captain Marvel (2019) Spoilers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, HAROLD THEY'RE LESBIANS, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lesbian Character of Color, Maria/Carol!!!, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, No Beta, Past Abuse, Post-Captain Marvel (2019), They talk and remember the love, We Die Like Men, ghost quartet lyrics, past trauma, this ship deserves more respect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22223143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingnights/pseuds/fallingnights
Summary: "Maria doesn’t expect Carol to be back for Christmas. After all, finding an entire species a new home and ending a war that had been going on for a thousand years does take time. So, it was certainly a pleasant surprise when Maria found her best friend standing on the porch on Christmas Eve, looking completely entranced by the snowflakes gently drifting down on her."Carol returns after a few months away from Maria with memories she can't really understand.
Relationships: Carol Danvers & Maria Rambeau, Carol Danvers & Maria Rambeau & Monica Rambeau, Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Maria Rambeau & Monica Rambeau
Comments: 9
Kudos: 120





	i don't even know where to begin (i don't even know who i am)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Friends, thanks for reading this. I was rewatching Captain Marvel and realized that Maria/Carol is what I and you deserve so here it is. I love this ship so much so here it is. Please enjoy and I'd really appreciate any comments or Kudos!

Maria doesn’t expect Carol to be back for Christmas. After all, finding an entire species a new home and ending a war that had been going on for a thousand years does take time. So, it was certainly a pleasant surprise when Maria found her best friend standing on the porch on Christmas Eve, looking completely entranced by the snowflakes gently drifting down on her. 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen snow,” is the first thing Carol says as Maria opens the door to her. She doesn’t turn to look at Maria, instead, staring at her hand which was lifted up at eye level and watching the snowflakes intensely as they melted in her palm. Maria didn’t respond, her eyes quickly flickering up and down Carol in a quick examination for anything visibly wrong, relaxing that she looked exactly like she did when she left, still wearing her blue and red suit and the leather jacket Monica made sure Carol had when she took off to save the Skrulls, not even looking a second older. 

“Hala doesn’t have different seasons,” Carol muttered absently, turning her eyes up towards the sparkling night sky. “I forget how beautiful it was.” 

Maria felt her heart skip a beat, the dull ache she’s been feeling in her heart for six years flaring up. 

She doesn’t really know how to respond to the comment, not really sure what to do with the implications of that. In the time Carol had been back, she hadn’t really spoken anything about her time away from them and Maria didn’t more then what Carol told them when they first reunited; she hadn’t really gotten the opportunities to ask. With the look on Carol’s face, lips pursed and lines creasing across her face, Maria can tell this is definitely not one of those opportunities. 

“It is nice,” are the words Maria finally settles on after a moment of contemplation. She pulls her bathrobe tighter around her, pulling the door closed as she stepped out next to Carol, glancing up at the sky. “But I doubt it’s going to be so pretty when it's blocking the driveway and we have to shovel it all in the morning to go get breakfast cause everything gets burnt again.” Carol let out a small laugh, the one that would always make Maria’s pulse race and cause butterflies in her stomach. 

“It won’t be too hard,” She grinned, turning to look at Maria for the first time. She flexed her arms, showing off the bright yellow light running up her fists. “You’ve got these bad boys on your side. The snow will never stand a chance against me.”

“Carol Danvers to the rescue,” Maria announced, a smirk stretched across her face. “However did we ever survive the winter season without you?” 

“I can’t even imagine,” Carol smiled but it didn’t last, her face slowly dropping into that look she always did when she got too deep in thought. 

“How are the Skrulls?” Maria asked, cutting through the silence overtaking them. “Did you get them a new place?”

She tightened her arms around herself, pursing her lips in a thin line as she shook her head. “It’s been tough. The Kree are everywhere and they are doing their damndest to be as big an inconvenience as possible and most planets won’t give any help because they fear the Kree and the Skrulls.” She let out a deep sigh the was quickly crystallized by the cold air. "So we’re headed to what is practically the edge of the Universe. It mostly just traveling right now so I decided they could last a little while without me.” 

“Shouldn’t you be with them, then?” Maria asked with a furrowed brow. “I mean, I’m glad you're here. I’m really glad that you're back. It’s fantastic to have you back and Monica is going to be ecstatic but isn't it going to be dangerous for them?” 

“The Skrulls are armed and dangerous, and Talos has a direct line to me so if anything happened,” Carol said with a shrug. “I just…” She took a deep breath. “I just couldn’t stay away anymore.” She took in a sharp breath, quickly turning to face Maria but still not meeting her eyes. 

Maria’s breath got caught in her throat and there was a beat of silence as the statement hung in the frigid air. 

“Carol, I-” 

“I don’t remember anything,” Carol said, cutting her off as the words fell out of her mouth in a rush.“I don’t remember really anything before the Kree took me and,” She spat, the words raging with harsh bitterness. “and I didn’t think it was important. I was told that it wasn’t important that I shouldn’t let it distract me. That it made me weak.” She clenched her fist. “But then I was taken by the Skrulls and I saw pieces of a life that I couldn’t understand and then I crashed into Earth where I found 23 years of memories and a family who I couldn’t even recognize.” Her voice cracked, slowing from anger into a tone of deep exhaustion and bone-deep sadness. “And then I left it all behind.” She pressed a hand to her forehead. “I left you behind.”

“Carol Susan Jane Danvers,” Maria’s voice was stern, cutting through her words. “You were dead for six years. Monica and I thought we would never see you again and you can back to us,” She gently lifted Carol’s chin up, their eyes meeting. “Did you really think that we would ever let you go again? After all we’ve been through, did you think I’d let myself lose you again? ” She cupped Carol's face her hands, wiping away the tears slowly rolling down Carol’s cheeks with her thumbs. “I only let you go and save the Universe because I knew you’d be back.” 

“I remembered something,” Carol whispered, pulling away from her hands. “I was with the Skrulls on their ship, and I remembered something. I remembered something and I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I just had to get back to you.” 

“What did you remember?” She asked carefully, hoping Carol didn’t push off the hand she laid on her shoulder. 

“I remembered loving you.” 

“What?” 

“I remembered loving you,” She breathed. “But... I don’t remember if you loved me that way too.” 

“Oh, Carol,” Maria whispered, her eyes red and a quiet smile at the tips of her lips. “I never stopped.” Carol let out a sob of relief, pulling Maria into a tight, desperate hug, gripping the back of her shirt in her hands. And they held each other, crying into each other shoulders until neither of them had any tears lefts; they finally had all the time in the world after all. 


End file.
